I have been telling people I am an INFJ for several years. It is even worse because the INFJ is very rare and so I felt a little proud to be amongst the few. My ego snuck in the back door on that one!
Although a bit of fun at first, it is only after writing The Way of Everything and reading Benjamin Hardy's book Personality Isn't Permanent that it sunk in what damage I was causing myself.
I had been inadvertently boxing myself into being an introvert. There is no problem being an introvert. However, when you constantly label yourself with being an introvert, you automatically limit your ability to ever try out being an extrovert.
To be fair on websites like 16personalities.com, this article is not about you not visiting that website. It can be a good thing to find out which personality you are. However, it is only a good thing if you understand the personality type you are aligned to can be changed.
How many other personality traits do we lock ourselves into believing about ourselves?
How many people these days lock themselves into being someone who has a mental health issue? Every time someone says they have anxiety, guess what? They embed that into their personality and they continue being - or become - the person with anxiety.
So how do you change your personality?
Set goals!
Having a goal focuses your mind and actions in such a way that you re-programme your instinctive and emotional reactions to something.
I invented FEEL4 for this purpose. It is a four-step formula that leads you to move towards a positive goal.
For example, if you have a phobia of dogs you can create a focused goal to be able to stroke a dog without feeling anxious.
You can energize yourself with a list of strong reasons that you want to achieve your goal. Perhaps your new partner has a dog and not getting on with their precious pet could break up your relationship.
Then you must engage with the activities needed to achieve your focused goal. You could walk through a park where dogs are playing, doing this for several weeks to get used to them. Next, maybe you visit a friend who has a dog sat in the next room. There are so many things that will lead you to achieving you goal
Finally you must learn what helped you most to get closer to or achieve your goal. Perhaps you realised that when a dog had another dog to play with you felt more comfortable? Maybe you liked being near a dog when you had treats to throw away from you so it ran away whenever you needed some space. Whatever worked, learn from it.
The most amazing thing to tell you is that you have already changed your personality many times over. You are not the personality you were at age one! No more crying and tantrums (okay maybe a few).
That's right, you have already changed your personality unconsciously, so consciously doing it again in a much more focused way is much easier.
The question is what aspects of your personality do you want to change? Set a focused goal today. Choose something that will make a big impact after you achieve it. Maybe you are scared of going outside? If so, why not set your goal to help out at the local hospital cancer ward. I guarantee you that undertaking such a goal will change your personality and help you appreciate the outdoors and life.
Kind Regards,
Christian Jacques Bennett
