Are you being nice to yourself?
I wonder if there has ever been one human being who did not look in the mirror at some stage in their life and think something negative about the image they see.One of the things that sticks with me, throughout my search for self mastery, is the fascination with why the voice in a human's head can be so horrible.
Why do we say so many negative things about ourselves?
I find the voice becomes louder the older you get. You notice your skin starting to lose its elasticity. A few wrinkles appear here and there. The fat starts building around your body as your metabolism slows down.
The natural aging process is a breeding ground for negative thoughts.
"Your nose is getting bigger and will grow like Pinocchio's"
"What's that mole appearing out of nowhere, it is going to make you ugly"
"Those veins on your legs are getting more visible, nobody will be attracted to you"
"That fat around your waist is hideous"
Your ankles are swelling, you look like a Michelin man"
If I were to physically type out every negative thought your mind throws at you and then read them out loud, and say the words are from a domestic abuse victim's bullying partner. You would look disgusted and probably feel a bit angry at the person who would say such horrible things to someone. And yet these are the things your thoughts throw at you over and over again.
Thankfully you are reading this post and can learn to control this issue.
And that is the point here. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN CONTROL. You can choose what thoughts you listen to and hold on to.
I am going to teach you to extinguish the negative thoughts in seconds.
Are you ready to learn?
#1 Lesson: Evidence Your Thoughts Are Wrong:I am really skeptical by nature. I don't fall for that positive smiley BS that simply tells me to "THINK POSITIVELY" and everything will fall into place. No. I need evidence. I want to see some real life evidence that what I am being asked to think or do is based on something real.
For me the eureka game changer moment came when I was browsing through my Google Photos.
On Google Photos you scroll down a timeline. You can scroll from the present day to 10 years ago in a matter of seconds.
I was scrolling and noticing photos of me at different stages of my life.
With relevance to physically seeing tangible proof my thoughts had been lying to me, the thing that shocked me was...
I came across photos from years before, decades before, which I remember vividly at the time I had viewed and thought:
"Damn, I am aging, I look awful. Pale face. I look sick. My chin and nose are getting bigger. I hate looking at myself. I wish I had someone else's face and body!"
And yet here I was years later viewing that same photo and now thinking:
"I wish I could go back to looking as young and as good as I did back then. I had such good skin tone. I almost look handsome. There are no wrinkles around my eyes!"
What this instantly taught me is our minds tend to judge ourselves too harshly.
The point is that you must not be your own judge.
You must also not let other people judge you and tell you negative comments.
Instead you need to build into your thinking program (like a computer program) a resilient and instant fallback positive angled thought. One which simply says, based on facts:
"I am always going to be better looking and in better shape than I will be ten years from now. So smile and make the most of right now. This is what you wish you could look like in 10 years time. Enjoy every second of your beautiful form"
And yes, I do realise that is a statement bordering on sounding a little too sickly. But it isn't too sickly. That is the point you must accept before you leave this post.
You are an amazing person that was born to be exactly how you are. Without you the rest of the world would not fit together. You are the central piece of the puzzle which completes the whole image.
#2 Lesson: Awareness! Awareness! Awareness!
This is your second and last lesson to learning to stop listening to the wrong parts of your mind.
I cannot state this strongly enough. If you can gain and maintain an awareness of your thoughts at all times, you will be more than half way to self mastery. Okay I just made that statistic up but it will have a massive impact on your wellbeing and life is what I am trying to say here.
You need to leave this post with the full belief that you are not your thoughts.
Let me just bring it home to you.
Right now I want you to think that you are a yellow elephant dancing on the moon.
Have you got an image of this in your head?
Great.
My point is proven. Unless something really magical just happened to you. I can guarantee you are not really a yellow elephant that is dancing on the moon.
No human is their thoughts.
Thoughts are merely a mental tool that enables us to do stuff.
The real you is the AWARENESS of the thoughts.
Some people go through life never realising this fact.
They grab on to thoughts. They use them to color their identity. How many people literally say, "I am a Depressive"?
Nobody is actually a "Depressive". Depression is brought on through negative patterns of thinking and in some cases the chemistry or physical inbalance of their brain's setup.
Hopefully, you are now seeing the fact that you are not your thoughts. You are an awareness of those thoughts with the power to choose which thoughts you can use to build a better you and a better life.
Right? Are you with me? Is this making sense?
Take Aways:
The easiest way to feel better about your self and your life, is to simply only choose to listen and take onboard thoughts that are constructive and positive. Anything else you must learn to tell it to **** off. Seriously.Get angry if you need to. I find that is a good kind of anger.
Grow 100% intolerant of any negative mental thinking.
And finally, fake it until you make it.
What I mean by this is. I am a realist. I know you may still walk up to the mirror today and think something negative (I am putting on too much weight, I look fat etc).
At first, like with anything, like with trying to build up muscle in the gym. You are not going to just walk into the gym on day one and walk out looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you are then send me a link to your blog, I will be keen to learn from you!
I get that your mind - which has probably been allowed to think whatever negative thoughts it wants for most of your life - is going to try and keep saying the same things. However, the fake it part (which really is about realistic positive change) is where you literally learn to first say the word "STOP!".
Hold up your hand if it helps. By saying stop as soon as you notice a negative thought entering your mind, you begin to change the faking to making.
Saying stop is a great way to alert yourself to the negative BS your thoughts will throw at you.
Eventually (like going to the gym every day) you will find you are saying stop automatically (your muscles will grow).
Once the stop mode has been activated. It is time to change the narrative to something more contructive and positive.
Here are some examples:
From: I am putting on too much weight, I look fat!
To : I can start exercising and dieting today, I'm going to look even more amazing in a few months time!
From: I am getting old and nobody will love me...
To : I am younger than I will be in 10 years time! I know I am loved because love is the one invisible thing that connects everything..."
And yes, this applies not to just body negativity but also to anything else in your life, like a business thought:
From: I will never be able to do that interview and won't get that job...
To : I will go to that interview to gain experience whatever happens and it will lead to something really good in my working life...
I am going to stop it here. I know you are getting this. I can see you are starting to smile a little in full understanding that this really is going to impact your life in a great way and it starts now.
Wishing you a great day. You are looking great by the way. See you in the next post.
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Christian Jacques Bennett
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